my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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