so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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