Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
