Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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