he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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