It's Friday. Sex?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
