Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
