Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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