I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
