Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
