How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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