It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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