I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
