capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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