I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
