to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
