I wish I only lived at night.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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