The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
