My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
