So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
