so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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