Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
