Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
