he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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