I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
