He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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