1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
