I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
