This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
