I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
soo... how was my night?
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