:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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