you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
