Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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