I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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