i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
