U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
