How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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