I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
