ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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