and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize