Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
