i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
