the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
