You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
