i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
