I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
