guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
