genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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