We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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