I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
