She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
