Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
These tits shall not be calmed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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