Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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