I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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