Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
