I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Boobs speak an international language.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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