I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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