Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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