That's intense
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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