Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
