We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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