Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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