If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
