I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
