OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
