Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
