I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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