the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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