a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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