Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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