before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
