I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Farmville is her only friend.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
