Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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