maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
