i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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