you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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