I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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