Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize